Kevin Garnett, the Man of Unspeakable Cruelty

Ref:  Ray, you stand over there. Bruce, you stand on the left side, there, behind Tim. Alright, when I blow the whistle, it's tip-off time. Good luck.

Tim Duncan: Thank you, ref.

Ref:  You're very welcome, Tim.

*whistle*

Manu Ginobili: Tim, get it to me...I will drive in the lane to space their shooters.

Tim Duncan: Okay, Manu.

Kevin Garnett: I WILL KILL YOU ALL WITH KNIVES MADE FROM YOUR BONES. AHHHHH. AHHHHH. AHHHH. GET OUT OF THE PAINT MANU THAT'S RIGHT. NOT TALL ENOUGH TO GET PAST ME. FUCK YOU TIM. THIS IS MY HOUSE, FROM SEA TO FUCKING SHINING SEA. AAHHHHH.

Doc Rivers: Oh Jesus Christ, Kevin, shut the fuck up.

Kevin Garnett: DON'T TELL ME HOW TO BE, DOC RIVERS.  WHERE'S YOUR RING?

Ray Allen: Hey Kevin, can you pass the ball? I want to take this open shot.

Kevin Garnett: IN A MINUTE RAY ALLEN. I'M READING THE FUCKING DEFENSE. SO IF YOU CAN WAIT, JUST A FUCKING MINUTE. AAAHHHH.

Ray Allen: Okay, I can wait. But you know, the shot clock is 24 seconds, which is substantially less than a minute.

Kevin Garnett: RAY DON'T SHOVE MY LIMITATIONS IN MY FACE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. DO I HAVE TO BREAK YOU LIKE I BROKE DUNCAN ON THAT LAST DUNK?

Ray Allen: Kevin, it's the first offensive possession of the game.

Kevin Garnett: I'M REFERRING BACK TO THE PLAYOFFS LAST YEAR RAY, YOU KNOW, WHEN DUNCAN WENT CRYING? HAHA IT'S GOOD TO BE THE BEST.

Ray Allen: The Spurs are in the Western Conference, while the Celtics are the in the East. Also, we lost in the second round last year.

Kevin Garnett: YEAH THAT'S WHAT KENDRICK WAS SAYING, BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING.

Ray Allen: Well it's true. You should learn to trust people, Kevin.

Kevin Garnett: MAYBE, RAY, MAYBE.

Ray Allen: Like, I know that for all the bluster you're a fine, caring, thoughtful individual.  If you added "trusting" to that, you would have quite an emotionally-available personality.

Kevin Garnett: NO, THAT'S NOT FOR ME RAY, I AM THE MAN OF UNSPEAKABLE CRUELTY AND I FIGURE I'LL ALWAYS BE.

Ray Allen: Oh, Kevin, that's not true.  People can change in their lives.

Kevin Garnett: HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DRAMA ABOUT A DAMAGED PROTAGONIST THAT TRIES TO CHANGE AND IN THE END REALIZES THAT THEY CANNOT?  HOUSE, DEXTER, BREAKING BAD, THE WIRE?  THE LIST GOES ON.

Ray Allen: Oh, come now, those shows are only that way for cynical economic reasons and because they don't want to alter the formula so much that they lose what made the shows successful in the first place.  Looking at the formula for those shows is not the best way to find their most humane themes.

Kevin Garnett: MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT RAY, MAYBE I CAN CHAN-

*whistle*

Ref: Shot clock violation.  Spurs Ball.

Kevin Garnett: GODDAMN IT RAY. I WANT TO DUNK ON DUNCAN SO HARD LIKE LAST YEAR.

Ray Allen: Okay, Kevin.

Tim Duncan: Kevin, I just want to wish you the best of luck in this game.

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