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Obsolete! Obsolete! Obsolete!

Obsolete! Obsolete! Obsolete!

With Basketball-Reference stepping it up, our old post ideas are obsolete. Have you seen that Twilight Zone episode with that librarian? So - in light of this development - I thought it would be fun to give away all our old post ideas so that someone else could find something to write from them.

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January 2011 - The Small and the Powerful

It's 2015 and there is unrest in the forwards (and trouble in the threes). You see, Richard Jefferson and Tim Duncan may have been besties on the Spurs, but with their recent retirements, who knows what will happen to their friendship? Making things worse is that they unwittingly booked the same outdoor shelter to host separate barbecues! You see, Tim has invited every significant big, and RJ has invited all his small forward friends. Wacky antics ensue as the two - clad in gigantic toques and barbeque aprons bearing slogans* - compete for the tweeners and point guards that have tagged along! Culminates in a living chess game which ends badly for the wings when RJ can't see the entire floor because he is four inches too small. Checkmate!

*"Kiss me, I'm from the U.S. Virgin Islands" and "RJBBQ"

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January 2005 - Jeremy Lin Will Dominate the NBA

Who saw it coming? I did, way back in January 2005. But I punted and didn't write it. This was a fictional tale, set in February 2012, and written as a factual article discussing and analyzing the impact of "Lindemondium". In my version, Lin cycles through every single team, even the Knicks, and is rejected by every one of them. Finally, just before moving out to Europe, he meets Mike D'Antoni (of course, as coach of the Suns) in a parking lot and challenges D'Antoni to a pick-up game. D'Antoni protests, "Why, there isn't a basket!" Jeremy Lin points to a small hole in a chain link fence, 28 feet up, and D'Antoni nods knowingly. Lin wins 30-5, and D'Antoni pegs him as a replacement for Steve Nash, and Steve Kerr signs Lin on the spot. But Robert Sarver - without even consulting his management - trades Lin to the Melo-Amar'e-Tyson Chandler Knicks for nothing but cap space. D'Antoni gets upset and follows Lin to New York. The rest is history: Lin dominates the league, Steve Nash gets pretty upset about the whole matter, but thinks Lin's story is pretty inspiring, and then the Spurs win the championship for their eighth consecutive season.

 • • •

January 2003 - Kwame Brown Will Dominate the NBA

Who saw it coming? I did, way back in January 2003. But I punted and didn't write it. This was a fictional tale, set in February 2012, and written as a factual article discussing and analyzing the impact of "Browndemondium". In my version, Kwame cycles through every single team, even the Knicks, and is rejected by every one of them. Finally, just before moving out to Europe, he meets Mike D'Antoni (of course, as coach of the Suns) in a parking lot and challenges D'Antoni to a pick-up game. D'Antoni protests, "Why, there isn't a basket!" Kwame Brown points to a small hole in a chain link fence, 28 feet up, and D'Antoni nods knowingly. Brown wins 30-5, and D'Antoni pegs him as a replacement for Steve Nash, and Steve Kerr signs Brown on the spot. But Robert Sarver - without even consulting his management - trades Kwame to the Melo-Amar'e-Tyson Chandler Knicks for nothing but cap space. D'Antoni gets upset and follows Kwame to New York. The rest is history: Kwame dominates the league, Steve Nash gets pretty upset about the whole matter, but thinks Kwame's story is pretty inspiring, and then the Spurs win the championship for their eighth consecutive season.

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January 2001 - Richard Jefferson's Internet is Down

Richard Jefferson - fresh off an appearance in the NCAA title game -is far and away by general acclamation the best player in the upcoming 2001 draft. But he also has a bad Internet connection, and a big research paper due tomorrow! Bear down, RJ! As RJ strolls around town with his laptop, dribbling a basketball looking for an Internet connection, he meets a bunch of GMs auspiciously along the road, and he tells them of his troubles. But all they can seem to focus on is his terrible handle! RJ gets his research paper done on time, but in doing so has lowered his stock to a mid-first round pick! His little Internet problem has cost him millions on his rookie contract! He ends by wishing he had just bribed the school with the huge donation he was going to give them anyway. Or, better yet, had simply asked his reasonable professor for a weekend extension on his paper! Dag namit!

Note: Yes, I predicted that Duke would beat Arizona in the championship two months beforehand. But - again - I punted and didn't write about it! Dag namit!

Alex Dewey
The co-founder of the blog, Alex is an unemployed jack of all trades, if you redefine "all trades" to mean "computer science, not owning a car, and mathematics." Writes ace book reviews as well as disturbing Lovecraftian horrors. Has a strange sense of humor that's part Posnanski, part coyote, and part Butta. "See you space cowboy."

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